Satan or Santa? :: social issues

Satan or Santa?To Whom It May Concern I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I at one time serve only certain beas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, Im certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls however, there are a few differences between us. Differences Such As There is no danger of a Grinch steal your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads These toys insured by Smith and Wesson. Instea d of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC poop and pork rinds or a moon pie on the fireplace. And Bubba doesnt smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty natural language can handy. Bubba Claus sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzens head now overlooks Bubbas fireplace. You wont hear On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen... when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, youll hear, On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty. Ho, ho, ho has been replaced by Yee Haw And you also are likely to hear Bubbas elves respond, I herd dat As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety trilateral on the back with the words Back off. The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. maven is Ford or Chevy logo with lights t hat race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going potty on the Tooth Fairy. The usual Christmas characterization classics such as Miracle on 34th Street and Its a Wonderful Life will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.